


Retro

by the-canary (siruru)



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Modern: No Powers, Alternate Universe - Neighbors, Alternate Universe - Photographer, Awkward Crush, Awkward Romance, Developing Relationship, F/M, Feelings Realization, Light Angst, Love Confessions, Pre-Relationship, Reader-Insert, Romantic Fluff, Slow Burn, Strangers to Lovers, Unresolved Romantic Tension, Weddings, editor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-25
Updated: 2018-12-21
Packaged: 2019-07-17 15:36:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 14,365
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16098620
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/siruru/pseuds/the-canary
Summary: Please, third times the charm, right? Because James Barnes is tired of failing at this thing called love.





	1. the balcony.

**Author's Note:**

> This is for @buckyofthemyscira 5k challenge. here is the editor/photographers story i was talking about. 
> 
> Prompt: “If you focus on what you left behind, you will never be able to see what lies ahead.”
> 
> Please enjoy! Feedback is always welcomed.

“So do you still plan on going?” the blond asks his best friend, as they sit taking in the accomplishments and failures they had achieved for the week. However, this meet up was a little different, Steve Rogers had grown concern over how much work his best friend had taken over the recent weeks. He could tell through the baggy eyes and pale skin that Bucky was running himself ragged and he knew exactly why. The invitation was sitting innocently in front of them.

> _ Natasha  _ _ Alianovna  _ _ Romanoff and Clinton Frances Barton invite you… _

“Yeah,” is all Bucky manages to say before taking another sip of his drink, as his body tries to catch up with New York time once more after a month abroad. Paris Fashion Week, along with several other assignments, had come and gone and Bucky with his busy photographer schedule had forgotten just what was around the corner when he came back. 

He had considered Natasha his second chance at love once, during their college years when they were both naive and finding their places in the world. However, they loved each other like wild fire and in between the hot moments, there was nothing but fighting and it only got worse halfway through her grad school program, when they realized that they both wanted completely different things. It’s funny how the Natasha he knew from a few years back had completely pushed marriage off the table. 

“If you want, Peggy and I--” Steve starts once more, as Bucky just shakes his head. As keen as he was at getting into the dating game once more and how kind his closest friends were, Bucky didn’t exactly enjoy any of the dates that Steve had set him up on. Them and Peggy Carter all seemed cut from the same cloth and that wasn’t exactly his type. 

“Don’t worry, punk. I’ll figure something out,” Bucky states trying to ease his best friend’s worries before Steve goes on about his kids’ latest interests and and hobbies -- how they missed Uncle James so much. They keep talking until the clock strikes close to 8pm and Steve has to go back home since it’s his turn to tuck in the kids while Peggy is away. 

With one last reassurance, Bucky finds himself walking through Central Park as the chilly March air greets him. He immediately regrets it, as he finds himself staring at the couples and families enjoying an early start to their weekend. Blue eyes glance all over the picturesque moment, wondering what angle would be best to catch the streetlight. Bucky can’t help but let out of sigh at how his mind immediate turns everything back to work and while he loves taking pictures -- this wasn’t everything that he wanted out of life. 

Though, he wasn't sure about anything anymore.    

He wonders where he went wrong. What changed in the course of the young man that wanted a family and white picket fence to the workaholic he is today? What could he have done better to keep things from falling apart with Natasha? Hell, what had he done to destroy his relationship with Dot? 

_ The things like this were supposed to last forever, weren’t they? _

His thoughts just darken even more when he realizes just how close he had gotten to his empty apartment, the most literal representation of the current state of his life. He greets Stan, the security guard, before taking the stairs to his floor. He begins rummaging through his backpack for his keys when he notices someone standing in front of the door next to his. She staring at the door with a defeated expression, as she doesn’t seem to take notice of his presence. 

“Hey, are you alright?” Bucky finally asks, as blue eyes met hers. James knows its his next door neighbor, the one that had lived her just as long as he has, though he can’t remember if they had ever interacted like this before. She gives him a tired smile before running some of her hair behind her ear. 

“I’m fine, just forgot my keys back at work,” she explains, as he nods following her every word, “And the supervisor isn’t here.” 

“When is he ever?” Bucky declares and she can’t help but laugh at the truest comment about their apartment building. Bucky wants to help, but he isn’t exactly sure how since Steve was the one with the skills to jimmy-open a lock. However, she beats him to it. 

“You have a balcony, right?” she asks, as Bucky nods hesitantly, “Well, could I just go into your apartment and get to the fire escape placed under my window?”

Blue eyes widen for a brief moment at her crazy idea, but even he could tell that she was desperate. God, knows how long she had been waiting there. And it wasn’t like he was worried about how his home looked, it was pretty empty to begin with, but the idea of a person being in his personal space after such a long time was a little daunting. He looks at his door and then at her for a moment.

“ _ Please, _ ” is all she says before he agrees. She watches him go to the door and open it, never moving until he motions her to follow him, which she quickly does. Bucky doesn’t have time to offer her anything and she doesn’t spare a glance at his empty home, as she quickly strides over to the window and opens it with a quick snap of the wrist. 

Bucky is standing in the middle of his living room when she turns to look at him one last time.    

“Thank you, James. I owe ya one,” her smile is so much brighter than before, yet before he can say anything she is already out the window and pushing herself above the fire escape. 

James stands there for awhile, looking at the opened window before finally closing it, thinking about just how strange his neighbor is.   


	2. the encounters.

_ Keep running. Keep moving forward. _

It was something you had read in a book a very long time ago. Or maybe, you had heard it on the television, while you weren’t exactly sure anymore, it was something of a motto that you had always lived by. Things were hard or difficult at the moment, but eventually they would pass you by -- tomorrow was another day that sort of thing was the type of stuff you lived off of, even dreamed of it sometimes. You were a jack-of-all trades sort of person and though life did come with hardships and setbacks -- you tried your best to bounce back.

However, as you got older, people gave your sunny disposition as strange look as if you were naive or nonchalant about the events around you, it was strange but you got used to that too. Running around and doing whatever interested you is how you kept going in life -- it kept you sane for the most part. 

Then, it happened -- a close coworker, and sometimes friend and more often a drinking buddy, asks you with hazy clarity one night.   

“When are you going to stop running?”

And for a moment, you do.

* * *

 

There is such a thing as meeting someone by chance, even more so by coincidence. Bucky Barnes understood that he would see his strange neighbor every once and awhile after the window incident and while he was bit mortified by the event, it didn’t seem to faze her -- she said goodbye and hello like her jumping from the window to the fire escape had never happened, and eventually Bucky learned to forget about it to. He just didn’t expect to be seeing her everywhere he went. 

The first time he really takes notice her is simple enough -- it’s in the entryway to the apartment building as she stands next to Stan, listening to music. However, it is her getup that catches his attention the most as she’s dressed in a heavy green coat for the weather, but he sees the red dress and dark stockings with her hairdo more presentable than before. James moves just slightly to see her making hand motions to the sound of some old  [ 1940’s song ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gwIb74ujZyA) , as Stan just nods. 

“I knew you would know!” she exclaims as Bucky walks a little closer, since the elevator was to her left. She’s giving the elderly man a bright smile, “It was playing at the ballroom we were using for work and it wouldn’t leave my head all day.”

“Always happy to help,” Stan smiles, as she laughs at her new discovery, while she starts dancing just a little. Blue eyes tear themselves away as the elevator dings to signal it had reached the ground floor.  

_ What a silly gal _ , Bucky can’t help but think as he heads to his apartment floor (because who likes big band music in this day and age?), though he notices a few days later he has been humming the same song for quite some time now.

* * *

 

The second instance that burned brightly in Bucky’s head happens a few days after that. His schedule is killing him -- he barely had breakfast and is running late with a coffee at hand. 

He is walking out of the building and she is walking in, causing him to curse as she apologizes over and over again. 

“It’s all right,” Bucky manages to say, as he takes notices of the huge pink box in her hands.  His stomach growls at the smell of freshly baked bread, as blue eyes meets hers, only to gave them light up in amusement for a moment. 

“Please take one,” she opens the box to show him a 2 rows of 12 donuts, as he wonders why she needs so many donuts, and while his mouth waters he is ready to refuse. 

“I--” he stops when his stomach growls once again, as she gives him a sympathetic smile and pushes the box in his direction. 

“Come on,” she says with a laugh that causes Bucky to pause for a moment before he grabs some napkins from the corner of the box and grabs a regular glazed donut. She frowns and pushes the box a bit more. 

Bucky knows that he’ll have to work out those 3 donuts later, but for now he is just happy over getting a pastry with his coffee and can’t seem to stop smiling for the rest of the photography session.

* * *

 

Over the rest of chilly March, Bucky just gets used to seeing her everywhere. 

In the grocery store, he sees her having a conversation on whether she should get ketchup or catsup, though he also sees her feeding a dog not too far away after he leaves.

He sees her in the old bookstore reading a fashion magazine, but also wearing a red carp backpack with a black-and-white striped sweater. The image, due to his time around models of all kinds, sticks to him for the rest of the day, as Bucky isn’t quite sure whether he should consider it strange or cute.

James goes on with work, going on dates, and trying to ignore the important event just on the horizon as April comes around, but he slowly comes to realize that she’s always there at the edge of his mind, it’s driving him mad and he doesn’t know why.

“I mean, we’ve both lived there for 4 years,” Bucky complains to Steve on the last Friday of March, not much closer to his original goal but the blond could tell his oldest friend wasn’t gonna let this go, “Why now? Why is she so--”

“Captivating? Memorable?” Steve laughs, as Bucky makes a face -- scrunching up his nose like he had smelled something bad.     

“Weird, Stevie,” Bucky exclaims before taking a swing of his beer, as he hears a laugh echo in the back, “ _ Really _ ?” 

Bucky declares in disbelief as he turns to look at a booth not too far away, as Steve follows his friend’s line of sight. There in the booth are four people, two women and two men, sharing drinks. The dark-haired man is lying on the table already at his limit, as the strawberry blond is shaking her head -- she doesn’t seem to be drinking. The other two people seem to be drinking, but while the man seems to be nursing one drink the woman has several glasses around.

“She’s a heavy drinker, all right,” Steve remarks in amazement, as Bucky turns to look at him. 

“That’s my neighbor, punk,” Bucky remarks as Steve’s eyes widen before giving him a quick sorry, “I wonder if that’s her boyfriend or something.” 

“Maybe,” Steve answers vaguely, though Bucky frowns at the teasing tone that Steve seems to have as the blond takes a sip of his beer.

_ Oh, you have it bad, Buck _ , is all Steve can think, looking at his friend keeps watching the group -- glancing at then until it’s time for them to go.    

* * *

 

James keeps thinking about the event back at the bar for a long time, as April comes those quick appearances from his neighbor stop -- and it’s driving him up the wall. For all her eccentrics, his neighbor seemed like a kind gal. Nat’s wedding is only a week away and he isn’t any closer to having a date for the event -- it’s not that he wants to show anyone off, he just doesn’t want to be alone. James doesn’t want to see the woman a younger version of himself would have called the “love of his life” once. How had everything he had wanted gone so well for Natasha, and not him? 

It was in his choices he had made, the things he had decided to ignore. James was starting to regret a lot of things -- they were haunting him in the darkness of his bedroom and his photo room. He was tired of being alone. 

But, what was he supposed to do? How could he move forward? 

“Hey, James,” he looks up from his inner monologuing to see his neighbor giving him a concerned look with a soft smile, “Are you alright?” 

Blue eyes glance at her outfit as he cringes internally once more -- brown skirt, dark stockings, red shirt, and the same green coat from before. Dot and Nat had always been impeccable in how they dressed and presented themselves in public -- makeup and clothing from the latest trends and dressed to the nines. His neighbor didn’t have that eye for detail. James Barnes was used to taking pictures of the most beautiful people in the word, but for some reason he was slowly finding his neighbor’s smile --right at this moment-- to be the most picturesque thing of all, and that was scaring the hell out of him.

Too bad, he had to open his big mouth instead of rationalizing his feelings like he usually did. 

_ “Would you do on date with me?”   _


	3. his apartment.

“What do you mean you said no?” Pepper asks, after you finish going over your story from the week before. You didn’t want to give your neighbor a bad reputation, but his ask had been a little strange. However, before you can respond --  

“The  _ one man  _ in all of New York crazy enough to ask you out,” Tony exclaims from his side of the office, as his girlfriend rolls her eyes, “And you say no!” 

“I wasn’t going to have my first date with my  _ cute _ neighbor be at his ex-girlfriend’s wedding!” you respond back, as all three people within your little office look at you with an array of emotions for confusion to acceptance of your decision. You sigh before taking a seat and play with the ends of your chiffon shirt. 

“She does have a good point,” Rhodey adds his own two cents into the discussion, while looking over next month’s editorial, as you give him an appreciative smile, “He could have wined and dined her first.” 

“Thank you,” you remark, as both Pepper and Tony can’t help but agree. 

Everyone moves forward from this little discussion and into working on the magazine for next month. You and Rhodey as current editors --of news and culture, respectively-- spent most time together in getting everything down and ready for circulation each month.  And while, Tony and Pepper owned the magazine and at this point didn’t have to do anything, both liked to have a hands on approach to its completion every once and awhile, especially when an event interested them. 

Said event for them being a large photography exhibition that Pepper’s company was funding for both new and veteran photographers near SoHo. Reviewing the list of artists and photographers for the event, you can’t help at the sight of a familiar name.  

“Is the name of the photographer  _ James Barnes _ ?” you ask with an uptick of nervousness that only Pepper seems to catch, as Tony proceeds to go on a personal tirade of how he loves the young man’s work. Green eyes look your way in worry, as you shake your head. 

God, how common could that name be.

* * *

 

_ “I don’t think it would be all right for me to go to a wedding, especially as a first date. I’m sorry, James. _ ” 

Bucky groans at the memory before taking another chug of his drink. He had gotten ahead of himself due to nerves and spilled all his problems to his neighbor, and while she had given him a sympathetic smile -- she turned him down completely. He hadn’t meant to take her to Natasha’s wedding as a first date, but as the first thing on his mind -- it just came out that way. James tried other women last minute, but he just couldn’t get his neighbor out of his mind.

Bucky now knew that he was falling hard for her, but he might have messed it all up. Thus, he was once again alone, watching the second love of his life dancing with her new husband. 

“Don’t you think you should stop drinking so much?” Steve asks before sitting next to him, as Peggy simply shakes her head before saying that she is going to grab something from the buffet table. Bucky simply shakes his head, as he keeps staring at the dancing couple before looking at his best friend. 

“It’s not like it matters, anyways,” Bucky mumbles before scratching the back of his head in annoyance -- with the situation, but most of all himself. 

How could everyone around him be so happy and together? Why couldn’t he find that one person that wanted to be with him? Was he that unlovable?

Yes, James Barnes, the photographer, could have anyone in the world if he said the right words and for a time --after Natasha and him broke up-- that’s all he did until he was where he was today. Everyone loved him and his pictures in a surface sort of way, but James found himself growing tired of that. Each new date and interaction showed him what he didn’t want, but just a couple of glimpses from his neighbor showed him that she might be what he was looking for --- if only he wasn’t such a damn idiot. 

“I’m gonna end up alone, Stevie,” Bucky groans before lying flat on the table, completely passing out. 

Steve shakes his head at the hopeless sight of his best friend before turning to see a certain redhead looking in their general direction. A shake of her head is all that he is met with before she looks away, though Steve knows that he won’t hear the end of this later on.  

* * *

 

You get out a bit later from work than usual and after a trip to the exhibition location and the local shelter where you volunteered -- you were finally home with some takeout from your favorite place. As you took out your keys, you couldn’t help but glance at the door next to yours. You hadn’t seen James in a couple of days and even if you did reject his offer for a date, you honestly did want to go out with him. He intrigued in a certain way, which was saying something since you didn’t often enjoy interacting with people outside of Pepper, Rhodey, and Tony. 

But, there was something different about James Barnes, if only just a little.

“Come on, buddy,” you hear an unfamiliar and two steps come off the elevator, as you turn to see a blond man carrying said man with his arm over his shoulder -- James was clearly drunk and sleeping it off already. You pause and look turn around to have the beautiful blond man give you an annoyed smile, as James mumbles something incoherently.

“Ahh, a little help, please,” the blond asks just a little hesitant as you nod and head to his direction, only for him to motion for you to grab the keys out of James’ jacket pocket. You open the door quickly, as he proceeds to take in the man.

It’s then that you take in James’ apartment and its minimalist interior of black and white, though there are pictures hanging from the walls and on shelves that pop up in color within certain corners of the room. It’s nice in some ways, if not a bit depressing to see that there is a lack of livelihood outside of that -- almost like James didn’t really live here, and you understood that in a way.

“Do you need help with anything?” you ask awkwardly from the entrance of the doorway, as the man puts James on the couch. He huffs out a breathe before finally looking at you like an old friend with a warm smile, as he proceeds to introduce himself as Steve Rogers -- an architect and old friend of “Bucky’s, though the nickname confuses you for a second. 

“I’m sorry to bother you,” he starts as you shake your head, “But, if you could watch him, so he doesn’t do anything stupid.”

Note to self: Steve Rogers probably had great stories about James doing stupid things -- you would have to ask if you ever saw him again. However, for the moment, all you did was nod as he gave you a relieved smile before walking out the door with the excuse that his wife was waiting for him in the car. Thus, leaving you in the middle of your neighbor's living room with a very sleeping and drunk James laying down on the couch. Nevertheless, in a very casual fashion, you just shrug it off and went into the kitchen to see what he had to drink to accompany your take out.

Thus, you camped out in James Barnes’ living room most of the night, only going to your apartment to get your charger and laptop. It was almost like a one person slumber party, as you stayed seated on the loveseat until the computer showed 1am. You were ready to call it a night, putting a glass of water and medicine you had near him along with a blanket, until James moves from his position and causes the record player to start with [ a song  ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qtfJj8oF6xM) you weren’t so familiar with. 

You yelp, which causes James to jump from his place on the couch. Wild blue eyes looking around until they land on you in his living room, like he has been dreaming of for quite sometime now. 

“W-what?” he questions, mouth dry and still a little sleepy that you can’t help but grin at his bed head for a moment before declaring. 

“Good morning, neighbor!”

* * *

 

It takes Bucky a good while to put everything together, as he takes a drink of water while watching his neighbor (wearing green pants and a blue long-sleeve underneath her matching coat jacket) makes herself at home from the corner of his eyes, and while it was a sight he could get used to -- he needed to understand how he ended up at his apartment from Natasha’s wedding reception. He keeps looking around causing her to laugh and a warm feeling to rush to to his cheeks. 

“Your friend Steve brought you home,” she explains, setting down her laptop on the black coffee table, “He asked if I could watch over you since his wife was waiting. You must of come from a big event, then.”

She nods, motioning to his crumpled up black suit, as if silently asking only for James to respond: “The wedding.”

“ _ Oh _ ,” she says a little shocked, but unmoved by the whole event that she almost went to, “So, what happened?

Bucky lets out a puff of air as he tries to gather his thoughts together. He goes over his day: watching Natasha and Clint getting married in this simple ballroom not too far from the reception and that’s where he ended up getting shit-faced drunk until he passed out and Steve took him home. She could only shake her head at his antics and it caused a spark of a question to burn inside his heart that needed to be asked by the romantic in him, as he remembers the song that had been playing just a while back before he turned the record player off.  

“Have you ever been in love before?” he breathes out, as she pauses for a second to think about it. 

“I think, once,” she answers with a shrug, as Bucky can’t help but be let down just a little by her answer, “ _ Maybe _ .”

“What you would answer like that?” Bucky can’t help but keep pushing, as she frowns at his continued questioning.  

_ Didn’t everyone want to fall in love? W as he so wrong to believe in that?  _

“I don’t know. I tend to run ahead of things,” she explains in a sort of monotone voice, like she has gotten too used to the fact, “Most people don’t take the time to catch up.” 

“I’d catch you,” he lets it slip out without thinking or maybe it’s due to the alcohol still in his system, but it doesn’t have the desired effect as she stares at him with suddenly narrow and suspicious eyes. 

“You shouldn’t say such things so easily, James,” she states much softer than he had ever heard her speak before, as a bittersweet smile blooms onto her face, but before he can say anything else on the manner -- defend his statement the best he can-- she is already getting up. 

“Since you seem fine now, I’ll just let myself out,” is all she says a she gathers her things. She moves across the living to the entrance, and as badly as James wants to stop her and ask her why she is suddenly shutting down around him to one simple statement, he can’t seem to find the energy or determination to do so.

“Goodnight, James,” is the last thing she says before closing the front door and leaving him there in his living room.

“Goodnight,” he weakly answers back, unsure of what landmine he had just triggered to change his usually smiling neighbor into such a distant person. 

And through it all, he was just more determined to find out all he can  about her because of it. 


	4. the exhibition.

You don’t see James in the next two weeks after the incident in his apartment, and you don’t know if it’s just you avoiding him or if it was an active thing between the two of you. You won’t admit, but his words had shook something deep in your core -- nobody had ever really said that they would run for you, that they would try to catch you. It was a scary sort of thing, but they were also the words of a drunk man who was mourning something that he had lost with another love, who was contemplating what he really wanted from life. 

And you were not going to be a rebound or a concept for any man to realize what he really wanted out of life, only to find it in someone else -- you were better off alone than to deal with all that.  

“So, what’s going on?” a voice makes you look up from your desk, a flurry of photos from James Barnes’ profile scattered on your desk. Pepper gives you a knowing smile at the sight. 

“I don’t know what you mean,” you answer, looking at a particular photograph of hydrangeas in the sun near Central Park. 

“I mean you’ve been jittery about the exhibition for awhile,” Pepper explains, as she crosses her arms over her chest, prepared for anything you might throw at her, “Ever since Tony mentioned  _ James Barnes. _ ”

“Oh...that,” you huff out, looking at a certain profile picture all the way at the edge of your dress, “It’s just I  _ know  _ he’s my neighbor that...”

“ _ Oh _ ,”she states, not exactly expecting that as she goes into mother hen mode, “Do you plan on avoiding him during the event? Do you need help with anything?” 

“I don’t know,” you shrug it off, as Pepper frowns,  “It’s just weird, ya know?” 

“Well, maybe this will just help you figure everything out,” Peppers hands you a folder, before adding on with a small smile, “Maybe, you shouldn’t run away this time.”

You look through the folder and decide that you want to follow Pepper’s advice, just this once.

* * *

 

James has a lot to think about following the little talk with his neighbor -- why he is so armored with her after thinking she was so strange the first couple of times he saw her, but there was always a subtle kindness to her. She gave people and animals food and other things when she could, she always seemed like she was always doing a million things at once, but somehow always had time to talk to Stan or even just say a brief hello to him. However, in her tone of voice and in her distance that night, James had also come to realize that she might be lonely as well, maybe more so than him.

_ Kindness. Loneliness. Love. _

These are things that ran in his head for a long time after that night. It doesn’t leave him and on the second day, he finds himself with a camera looking at all the places he is familiar and unfamiliar with. He spends days and nights taking photos and in his dark room because for this -- digital doesn’t seem enough. It’s half way through the second week when Bucky gets the call -- from Tony Stark, that he is still missing pictures for his part of the exhibit. 

“Tony, what do you think about me changing my concept  _ just a bit.”  _

* * *

 

It’s the third week without seeing James when the exhibition finally comes full force for you and Rhodey. You and him are standing near the front of the building, a small hall located in the heart of SoHo, with Tony and Pepper dressed in their business casual clothes, while talking about their love for New York and its people. That was the theme:  _ New York in Love _ . 

“Where does he come up with this?” you can’t help but ask as Rhodey just laughs.

“He’s a romantic,” is all your co-editor says, before playing with the sleeves of his navy blue suit. 

Unlike other functions, Pepper had both of you tailored dressed for the event in almost opposite colors since Rhodey was wearing a dark navy blue suit with a black button up shirt. You were made to wear a chic white blazer and skirt combo with a pink blouse underneath. Almost like children dressed in opposite ways by your mother, but you would stay quiet for Pepper. 

“Just have fun, mingle around,” the older man gives you a bright smile, as you frown. You weren’t sure why, but you had been feeling crankier for awhile now -- not that you would admit the reason why to yourself.

“I’ll try,” you say softly and honestly a lot meeker than he had ever heard coming from you. 

He gives you a kiss on the temple, as group of people call out to him but as he leaves you can’t help but call out: “Don’t tell them that story!” 

He frowns as he disappears into the crowd, but you do what he tells you nonetheless. You go through the rows and rooms full of art. It wasn’t just photographers that Tony had invited, but sculptors and painters. Different shades of colors and art techniques fill your eyes, as you stand around and look at anything that grabs your attention. Yes, some people talk to you and thank you for the opportunity to be part of this as a larger umbrella associate to Stark Media that would surely grab them some attention, but outside of that you simply wander. 

Maybe, you have someone in mind as the photographs you are looking at start becoming too familiar.       

_ Sunflower. Untitled 27.  _

From what you had learned, James Barnes leaned towards black and white photographs with  [ his models ](http://the-canary.tumblr.com/post/179501457901/if-you-read-retro-i-just-wanted-to-show-you-guys) always in actions shots and he enjoyed contrasting that with unmoving objects being placed in the shot as well. You see this in the darkened flowers at the center with people moving behind it. You see it in the woman twirling her dark skirt with the unmoving hand holding her, something to ground her from fluttering away. It hits too close to home from a moment and makes you look away to the other side of the hallway and that’s when you freeze at the sight in front of you and the sound of your name.    

* * *

 

James is surprised to see her standing there --- serious and taking in all his pictures with a critical eye. He had been hoping to show it to her in a different way with reasons and details, if she still wanted to talk to him again, but there she was -- surprising him all over again. The serious look on her face doesn’t seem to suit her, the white suit even less now though she does look nice in it. She moves and their eyes meet, but before she can do anything else -- a question comes out of him without thought. 

“What are you doing here?” he asks, though it takes her a moment to stop looking at the photograph -- a colorful flurry of the flower shop not that far away from their apartment building. In fact, all the photos on this side of the wall were in color and could be found near where they lived -- all the places he had seen her kindness shine, if he was being truthful. It wasn’t completed, but  _ Beside You  _ was a series that James was slowly becoming very proud of.

“I work for the magazine hosting this,” she states, as James’ eyes widen at this bit of information, “Editor to the culture section.” 

“Tony talks about you a lot,” James states bashfully, as she walks down the wall where all the colored photos are situated compared to the opposite black and white that he had planned early on for the exhibit -- before she had come into his black and white world and ruined him completely. 

However, he --much to Tony’s annoyance-- had changed everything last minute because of what life had placed in front of him, what had caused to slowly see things in a different way -- in a ray of colors he hadn’t felt or seen since Natasha had decided to break up all those years ago.  

“I would hope so,” she admits with a fond smile on her face, as she gives him a side glance before going back to look at the shaky photo of the takeout shop she loves so much and he had seen her carrying a dozen times before. 

James takes a puff of pride at the fondness she shows over the places in front of her, but he can’t help but worry about what she has heard of him -- James didn’t have the best reputation when it came to the art and fashion sections of New York, but none could deny the high calibur and dedication of his work. 

A double edged sword now more than ever, as she answers his silent question with her next statement.   

“I’ve heard about James Barnes the photographer,” she states with a wave of her hand that shows her distaste as her tone shifts to something more cautious and dark, “A mono tone perfectionist that sleeps with anything that moves, but this --  _ this _ is something completely different.” 

“Thank you,” he states in a slightly less cheery tone, taking in the complement inside all of the caution she seems to be showing towards him now. 

She doesn’t say anything else, as James sees that she’s looking long and hard at the quote they had added to his pictures at the last minute. He moves in a little closer, ready for anything. The quote was a bit embarrassing but what he felt was true: “ _ Falling in love has made me see the color of life again.”  _

“Don’t fall in love for the sake of being in love, James.” she admonishes him, her body moves back from his, as she explains a bit more, “Nobody wants tepid feelings that’ll leave as soon as someone else bats their lashes at you.”

“That’s not--” he groans in frustration, unsure of what to say that would make her believe him, but if she has heard everything that people have said about him -- well, he doesn’t blame her for being so closed off with her heart, “That isn’t what I want anymore, especially not with you.”

“Prove it,” she states softly, but completely sure of herself, like she has given out this challenge a million times before only to be met with disappointment over and over again. 

“How?” James asks, steeling himself for the answers as she gives him a pointed smile like she is teasing a child over some naive notion they have asked her of. 

“Spend a day with me,” she states as she throws James’ words back at him,  “I’m willing to see if you’ll really try and catch me.”

“When and where?” is all he can say, as a goofy, love struck smile blooms on his face though.

They set up a quick time and date, but before he can ask for anything else she is already moving away. James can’t catch her now, as someone starts calling her name from down the hall. It isn’t the right moment, but he’s gonna make sure she doesn’t regret this choice.


	5. the date.

“This is what you are planning for Saturday,” Pepper can’t help but ask in disbelief as she glances at the very detailed piece of paper that you had given her to look over. You were walking back and forth in your little office, as you gave her a nod.

“Don’t you think it’s a little excessive?” she can’t help but ask, though she knew that you became very detailed oriented when you were stressed out. This date, though it had been your idea, was bothering you more than Pepper thought it would when you first told her about it. It was cute in a way, but also a little worrisome. 

“Maybe,” is how you answer back, as you rub the back of your neck. 

You were used to people dropping you off before trying to get to know you, not willing to put up with your eccentricities and how you moved for one thing to another -- it tired them out. Every once and awhile, there was someone who decided to spent the day with you, it usually gave high hopes that someone would like to spend time with you outside of school or work -- it just ended with you being disappointed and sad. Yes, you gave your heart to causes and helping, but outside the people that you had worked with for years --and even they had a hard time with you every blue moon-- you didn’t really have any close friends or meaningful relationships. 

You had thought that this could happen with James as you got to know him as your neighbor, but once you put two and two together -- you shifted and as much as it hurt you, you were doing the same thing people had done to you, though only as a way to protect your heart. 

You didn’t want to end up just another one of James Barnes’ pet projects and maybe, Pepper --with her own problems that came with dating and trusting Tony-- understood that. She walks over to you and grabs both of your hands with hers. 

“First off close your eyes and take a deep breath,” she states while doing the motion with you, as if trying to calm you down over this whole ordeal, “Now, when was your last date?” 

“Too long ago, maybe college,” you state, while wiggling your fingers in her palms just a little. Pepper simply smiles.

“You’re gonna leave all this behind,” Pepper states like a mother as you look at her with confusion for a moment, “Maybe, pick a spot or two, but that’s it. You’ll go eat and have fun. Even if it doesn’t work out, you’ll have a good day, a fond memory. Don’t worry over the what-ifs.”

“But, Pep--”

“You can’t go any being afraid of the world and the people that want to know real you,” Pepper smiles as you let out a frustrated sigh, “And even then, it might be a good memory took look back at one day.”

“Man, when did you become an an motivational speaker?” you can’t help but laugh. 

“Maybe, in another life, I’m all into healthy living and things like that.” 

And with that, your fear eases just a bit.

* * *

 

“So, you ready?” Steve can’t help but ask with Bucky’s date with his pretty neighbor only two days away. However, from the looks of it, the man who was always so sure of his game was completely unsure of how to win her over. 

“Nope,” is all he states about the subject. The only contact he had received from her since the exhibition was her standing in his front door and saying that he had to pick two places for them to go to. 

Bucky knew one place easily that they could go to, but the second part was bit harder. He thought of all the places that he and Natasha had enjoyed going out as a couple or as part of double dates, but nothing seem to stick for him. Hell, he even thought of those cheesy places he sometimes went with some models, he didn’t remember what places he had gone with Dot though, that had been years ago. He didn’t really know what he could to make her see that he liked her, that he wasn’t in the mood to play anymore.    

“Bucky, I hope you realize that  _ if you focus on what you left behind, you will never be able to see what lies ahead,”  _ Steve declares as if reading his friend’s inner monologue. Bucky stares him for a good moment, knowing that his best friend has a point -- if he was serious about her, he couldn’t keep comparing her to Natasha and Dot. 

She were her own person and she was already cautious as hell in regards to this date. Bucky had to let go of the past and move forward with whatever he might have with her, whether it was just friendship, something romantic, or nothing at all aside from being neighbors. 

Bucky had to make peace with his past before his date, though he also stops at the familiarity of what Steve had just said. 

“Did you just quote a Disney movie at me  _ again _ ?” he questions, as Steve just shrugs.

“The kids were sick and just watching them over and over again,” the blond chuckles, “Some good life lessons though.” 

Bucky can’t help but shake his head, though he knows that he has to do now to make sure that she believes that his intentions aren’t meant to harm -- that he’s actually slowly going head over heels for her. 

The original plan was to wake up at 8am, get ready and eat breakfast, so you can knock on James’ door around 9am, maybe a little later than that. You didn’t expect to be waking up at said time due to knocking on your door, as you yell at them to wait the hell up. That’s how you end up standing your doorway, with pajamas and bed hair, while trying to understand why is James standing in front of you all dressed up while holding some plastic bags. A huge grin on his face, as you wonder, through your sleepy haze, if he is trying not to laugh or not. 

“What are you doing here so early?” you murmur sleepily, as you swear he lets out a chuckle.  

“You said we were spending the day together,” he states with a pulling up the bags for you to see, “So, I thought why not have breakfast together too.” 

“I--” you want to say no but the smells of what seems to be your favorite stops you, “Pancakes?”

“From Ihop,” Bucky states, hoping that you don’t push him away. You grumble and let out a yawn before sidestepping and letting him into your apartment. 

Blue eyes look around for a moment, seeing the contrast that your apartments have as you have things --from previous hobbies, past friendships and relationships, along side with some family objects-- cramming the shelves and walls of your apartment. Any wall space that he manages to see is colored with bright paint that pops through the clutter of a museum that you have set up for yourself -- to remember the times when you were happy when you were mostly alone nowadays. 

“Give me twenty minutes so I can get dressed,” you state while moving past the little kitchen area you have, “You could set up here and we can eat.” 

“Thanks,” he states, though your back is to him as he lets out in an excited voice, “And good morning.” 

“Good morning,” you wave before going into your room and getting prepared for what you think is going to an odd day, even by your standards. 

You realize in that moment that James Barnes might be the actual death of you -- if you make it through the whole day.

* * *

 

Bucky finds it funny to realize that she isn’t really a morning person, compared to him if he has the right amount of coffee in his system. She grumbles when he asks questions, as he tries to get her to talk about her work, just anything that she might enjoy but she isn’t going to have it as she goes through eating her pancakes in silence, though Bucky enjoys that as well. He finds himself enjoying staring at her grumpy face and bright yellow sweater like it’s going to be the best day all week. 

“So, where are we going first?” he can’t but ask, as she puts on that green coat that he always seems to see her with. It just makes the flower at the center of her sweater pop out even more. It yells and grabs his attention more than his dark blue button up. 

“Coffee first, then  _ Gold Rush _ ,” she states before smiling and heading out the door as she follows him. 

Bucky can’t help but smile because he knows the place well -- an old record store that sold vinyls and specializes in older music, though he wonder where she kept her record player since he hadn’t seen it in the living room area -- maybe in her bedroom? 

They wave at Stan as they exit the building, though Bucky notices the man giving him a thumbs up as she exits the building first. The walk the two blocks to get to the subway and for some reason that’s when the nervousness starts to set in. Bucky looks at her walking him beside him, but there is still a cold detachment that rolls off of her. Maybe, bringing her breakfast hadn’t been a good idea, he should have let her done things her own way, but he had just been so excited -- been awake since nearly 6:30 am at the thought of seeing this through-- and one thing just lead to another. 

“I was thinking--”

“I’m sorry, what?” Bucky states, as he finally notices that she was talking, exasperated for a moment before smiling.

“We’ll get coffee and wait until they open, I’ve been meaning to get some new records,” she states with a shake of her head, while playing with the cuff of her sleeve. 

“Do you really need that much coffee?” he asks. 

“Can’t function without the thing,” she answers back, before adding, “I have my own coffee machine at work cause Tony got angry that I kept drinking all of his.” 

“Coffee wars,” he can’t help but let out since he knew Tony sometimes went through four or five cups himself throughout the day, as she laughs --a bit easier than before. 

“Pretty much,” she says, as they take the steps down into the subway station. 

“So, what type of music do you like?” 

The day doesn’t seem as that it will so dark anymore to Bucky, maybe just as bright as her sweater is.   

* * *

Between your two morning cups of coffee and the small record store, you learn that James can only stand one cup with creamer and sugar and that he is also a fan of anything from the 80’s, even from the late 70’s as he spends hours browsing the older albums and started and 20-minute long argument with the record store owner, Sam, over whether rock or soul had defined those eras. They don’t stop until you remind James that it’s close to noon and that seems to stir something in him, as he grabs you -- telling you that it’s his turn to show you a cool spot. 

With three new records, you set out towards East Village with a grinning James that has his arm looped around yours. 

“So what do ya think about arcade games?” he can’t help but ask a little worried, as you can feel the a huge grin blooming onto your face at the thought -- this boy didn’t know what he was getting himself into. 

“They’re ok,” you explain, “I played with my siblings, every once and while. How about you?”

“Used to kick Stevie’s ass all the time,” Bucky can’t help, but gloat as you nod -- more interested in hearing about his friendship with Steve, the blonde from weeks ago than him boasting his own ego though it was cute and with those sparkling blue-eyes, as he goes overall fight after fight they had while playing on the SNES. 

“So, you’ve known Steve a long time?” 

“Practically all my life,”  Bucky states, before he keeps on reminiscing the entire twenty minute walk to Two-Bit’s Retro Arcade.   

[ Two-Bit’s Retro Arcade  ](https://www.yelp.com/biz/two-bits-retro-arcade-new-york) is a nice place that while it is dark has sparks of life in the all the lights that come from the arcade games lined up near the walls. With a drink and a shared lunch of burgers and fries between the two of you, Bucky seems ready to show what he was made of. 

“So, which one is teenaged James’ game?” you can’t help but ask, as he shakes his head and points to the  _ Street Fighter II  _ game nestled in the center of the row of arcade games. You try your hardest not to scream in delight, “Mind showing me how to play?” 

“Maybe a round or two,” he says earnestly, though the cocky smile of his sends both a shiver down your spine also makes you want to mop the floor with him. 

The two of you wait until the current players leave, as you head up and both put in your change into the machine. Bucky seems to be expecting you ask him who you should pick, but you already know deep down -- you’ve been playing as her for years. You glance over to see who he is going to pick, probably Ken, if he wanted to be a cocky punk, or maybe even Dhalism, since he was a bit more complicated to play with. But, no...he picks someone else completely. 

“You’re playing as  _ him _ ?” you can’t help but quickly ask as the screen moves from the character selection to close to starting the fight.

“Blanca’s never failed me,” Bucky smiles and it causes you to pause for a moment since it adds a boyish demeanor to him that you had never seen before, or maybe it was just the nostalgia that came with the game, “I’m sure you picked her for the same reason.”  

“Chun-Li is a total badass,” you say before looking at the screen, as Bucky can’t help but notice that you aren’t asking for tips and that you actually have your fingers in a position of someone that had played this game more often than not. 

He doesn’t ask anything about it, but Bucky ends up having a bad feeling about this. 

* * *

 

“Tri-County Champion, three years in a row,” she can’t help but state with a shrug before going back to her ice cream. 

“Okay, okay. At least I am happy it wasn’t just me who got their ass whooped,” Bucky shakes his head.

After the first round, thinking it was a fluke Bucky went another two rounds with her whipping the floor with him. This caught the attention of some other patrons until people were lining up to try their hand against her and Chun-Li -- everyone was defeated until she declared she had to leave with Bucky. She was grinning the whole way to the Brooklyn Bridge, as they simply sit on a bench and kept trading stories over ice cream.

“Why did you quit?” 

“Got tired of,” you shrug while looking at the Brooklyn Bridge of a moment, “Sometimes, you get hyper fixated on something and learn everything you can until you just realize -- I hate this thing now. Most of the time it’s like that for me, sometimes it’s like that for the other person.” 

“Then, why haven’t you changed from being editor for Tony?” Bucky moves forward with his question, as you had said you moved from job to job for a good awhile, “What’s so different?” 

“I get to do a little bit of everything, I guess,” you explain with a shrug, “Each month is a bit different, I get to see and try something new or get to put a spin on something we covered. Tony knows how to keep everyone on their toes and I enjoy that, when it isn’t driving me insane.” 

Bucky lets out a hum and you wonder if thing is the moment where you lose him, where he comes to realize that he might not live up to your expectations or you might just be too much to handle for him. However, he surprises you as he smiles before going back to his own ice cream. 

“Just have to work a little harder at it,” he admits, “Too bad, I don’t like giving up.”

* * *

 

The ice cream and chatting moves into walking the Brooklyn Bridge back and forth, as she talks about her former hobbies and current obsessions -- she really wants a cat, but the building doesn’t allow it, so she tries her hardest not to cry when she sees this cute little black named Lance at the shelter she volunteers at. Bucky talks about his current projects and how he has to go to France and Portugal for a few weeks soon, much to her displeasure, which Bucky is happy to see with that cute pout on her face. 

It’s close to 5 pm when the both start heading back, but Bucky hasn’t told her their next stop as he motions they are heading back on the subway, which causes her to stop. 

“Are we heading back home?” she questions, confused and maybe a little disappointed though Bucky doesn’t want to get to ahead of himself. 

“Yup,” he nods, while putting his hands in his pockets, “That’s our last place for tonight, dinner and movies.” 

His heart can’t help but flutter at the open smile and bright eyes that slowly overtake her face at his declaration. She nods and seems all right with that. 

Ås the night moves forward, they settle in his apartment and Bucky ends up ordering pizza and he silently thanks Tony, as he shows her all the movies that he has instore for the -- classic 80’s and 90’s films. As much as Bucky enjoys the movies, he is so much happier to see her singing and dancing to t _ he Labyrinth _ , getting a little emotion during  _ Sixteen Candles,  _ and wouldn't stopped laughing during  _ The Goofy Movie _ . 

They haven’t finished the pile of movies, when they realize that it is close to midnight -- their day is over and done with, as she yawns and gets up from the couch. Bucky can’t stop the dopey grin that blooms on his face at the sight of her bed head --from sharing the blanket and sitting too close together -- as she prepares to leave. He walks her to the door, as she rubs the back of her neck, trying to get out all the kinks as she gives him one last smile. 

“Thanks, Bucky. I had a good time today, all day really,” she admits as he leans on to the doorway.  

“Enough for a second date?” he can’t help but ask. 

“Yeah, I think so,” she admits with a shy smile that sends his heart soaring, but he doesn’t reach out for her -- let’s her nod and wave goodnight before going into her apartment. 

“Night James,” she says one last time before going inside.

“Night,” he states before going back inside himself -- heart drumming as he can’t stop grinning for the rest of the night, ready to sleep and go over the events in his head all over again until he falls asleep. 

He just didn’t know she was doing the same as well. 


	6. the fear.

“So, how is everything going with Mr. Romantic?” Rhodey can’t help but ask while the two of you are working on the new summer issue that is due in a couple of weeks. The two of you like to look over each other’s work and department to make sure that nothing is out of form with what the other is covering -- if there is one theme and to make sure that it is overarching to the other side of the magazine. 

“As well as it can be,” you murmur as nonchalantly as you can, while Rhodey looks at you with a skeptical look to make it a concise edition. 

To be truthful, things had been going well with James since the first date and you had gone on a couple of more since then. You soon came to realize that James Barnes was a real romantic at heart -- he always brought flowers or some kind of small gift for you. The most recent date had been a bike ride through Central Park and before that it had been a trip to Coney Island -- all his ideas, as he showed you the places he liked around the city. However, you weren't ready to make it official with the photographer just yet. 

It was endearing, but you were skeptical because all this time his job assignments soon had been in the city. James was going France and Portugal for some photo assignments, and you knew that if the cat’s away the mice would play -- it had happened once before, not that you liked to dwell on it too much.   

“You’re gonna break that poor pencil,” Rhodey remarks, talking you out of your inner thoughts as you put the pencil down and give him a strained smile.

“Don’t worry, it’ll all work out,” he states with a smile, because he has never seen you this stuck on a person before -- things, trends, animals those were all things that kept your fascination, but for you to be thinking and hoping that it turned out alright with James, well that was crazy in and of itself and Rhodey was cheering for your happiness. 

“How about yellow? That’s a good color.”

* * *

 

James is going over last minute details for his shoots and flight details when he hears a ping from his phone. He walks up to it and looks at his lockscreen for a moment, as a lovestruck smile blooms onto his face. It was a badly shot picture of a certain red karp bag next to some flowers --that he had given her-- on the grass while they were having lunch that day. While, Bucky had wanted to take a picture of both of them together, she was still apprehensive about the whole situation -- this was the compromise instead and while she still didn’t have a good grasp of the camera--even the one on her phone-- he enjoyed that she was trying.

His work had caught her attention enough that she wanted to try it out, and Bucky knew that was good step in the right direction. He swipes his passcode in after seeing in the preview that it’s a message from Tony Stark.   

**Tony:** _ Good luck on your trip! ;)  _

Bucky couldn’t help but stare at the emoji for a long while. He knew that Tony never used those types of things, at least never with him, that was until he started dating his favorite editor and Tony Stark became like a father watching over his daughter from afar. Bucky wondered if she knew, though he understood why Tony would act in such a way, he had done it once or twice when his younger sisters started dating. 

However, as he looked at his locked screen once more and that badly taken photo, Bucky knew that he wouldn’t do anything to mess this --whatever they had-- up. 

**Bucky** :  _ Understood. _

* * *

 

James has a red eye trip from New York to Paris, though that isn’t why you are standing in his kitchen with Steve, as he makes a few last minute packing decisions before heading to JFK. You had had dinner with him a few hours ago, but had chickened out in the last minute to give him the little box in your hands. It was a little silly, but it would make you feel a lot better in the long run. 

“What have you got there exactly?” Steve asks, as he had been watching you play with the box for quite some time, as Bucky finished up in his room. While, you and the blond hadn’t interacted a lot since that first night you had meet, you could tell from all of his stories that Steve Rogers played a big role in James’ life and visa-versa.

“I was really into gems and stones for awhile,” you start off a bit nervously, “Still sort of am, and I just...wanted to give something to James for the trip, for protection.”

You pause and wait for moment as blue eyes crinkle with a smile, “It’s silly, no?” 

“I don’t think so,” Steve states with a grin, as you’re left stunned for a moment, “I’m sure he’ll appreciate the thought.” 

“What thought?” the man in question asks, as he looks from you to Steve with an raised eyebrow at how nervous you are acting just now. Steve grins, as you step and hand Bucky a small white box.

“You don’t have to wear it or anything,” you explain as he opens said ring with an aquamarine stone as its center, “I just thought it might be good to keep you save and...stuff.”

“Thanks,” he gives you the biggest grin as he puts the ring on, “And it helps that aquamarine is my birthstone.” 

“It is?”

“March baby, through and through,” Bucky laughs as Steve joins in, as if it’s their own private joke, while you take a mental note to find out the exact date later on. After a few words, Bucky picks up his bags and the three of you head out of the apartment and into the hallway. 

“Take care,” you say as he smiles like he’s the luckiest guy in the world just to have you there, while Steve just shakes his head. 

“Don’t miss me too much,” he answers back. Bucky gives you a kiss on the cheek before heading towards the elevator.

You wave goodbye to the two of them, all the while trying to ignore that fluttering feeling in your stomach like you’re already missing him.  

* * *

 

Bucky spends two weeks in Paris before spending a couple a days in Lisbon before going back to Paris once more, and while he thought that going cold turkey on a lot of the things he used to do would be easy -- it really wasn’t. Gorgeous models and pretty crew mates throwing themselves at him and while once Bucky would jump at all the attention. He was now trying his hardest not to. 

He looked at the silver ring and played with it in thought from time to time. He wondered what she was doing, if she was working or playing with that little black cat back in the shelter. Maybe, she was talking to Stan or getting some takeout only to pass out midway through a movie, something she had been doing more often as she spent more time on the magazine since the latest edition was due soon.  

He goes to after parties, but leaves sober and alone. He shows off his ring by moving it side to side whenever he can. He tends to look at his phone and that stupid karp bag whenever a pretty face smiles his way. He knows that she’s trying her hardest and he doesn’t want to break her heart, to destroy this precious thing she has decided to give him. Thus, leading to him leaving another party early as he walks down a small side street. 

> _ You know I’ve never gotten a teddy bear before, it would be sort of cute.  _

Bucky takes a deep breathe as an idea suddenly pops into his head, as he remembers one of the models talking about a local bear workshop. He tries his hardest to remember the name since French had never been his best language compared to Russian or Romanian.

It’s takes him nearly an hour of getting lost and moving around the subway system to finally reach his destination, as he looks at the mountain of bears in front of the glass panel. Blue eyes glance down at his ring and he smiles, Steve’s voice echoing like a drill master in his mind.

> _ If you focus on what you left behind, you will never be able to see what lies ahead. _

Bucky couldn’t think about his old habits or the might-have been, there was only the present and what he could have with her. Any relationship was two way street and he had to ease her fears, so he picks the phone and dials her number.

“Hey, doll,” he states as her tired but happy voice answers back, “What’s your favorite type of job for a teddy bear?” 

[ L’Ours du Maris.  ](http://www.oursdumarais.com/)

Yes, this was definitely a good first step towards finally moving forward. 


	7. the uncertainty.

It’s  strange trying to learn new things, but it is also exciting -- something that is hard, but rewarding once you get to understand it a bit more. It wasn’t that you had never been into photography, but on e too many mishaps when you were younger and a certain video game made you push back on the whole idea of picking up a camera. Now, staring at the one the main photographer of the magazine -Nick- had started you off with didn’t seem so hard after all. 

However, what was stranger than all that was staring at the familiar party invite that Tony sent every time a new magazine was completed and ready to hit the printers, and thinking to yourself with a slight smile.

_ Maybe, I should check that plus one. _

* * *

 

Bucky ends up taking a different flight from all the models and crew the night before in order to get some shut eye without being harassed, that’s what he called it now, to Steve’s amusement. He should have known it was a bad idea to have gone cold turkey in this type of photoshoot, but somehow survived it all. Maybe, it did help that he had the ring you gave him, as he --in hazy sleep-- remembers an incident from a few nights before. 

_ “Why have you been ignoring me, James?” the Russian blonde, Yelena?, talked with smoky and whiskey on the tip of her tongue as Bucky didn’t move an inch in his seat at the bar. Blue eyes looking straight of ahead and thinking back on a timid smile back in Central Park. _

_ God, he wishes he was back there right now.  _

_ “Wait, is that a ring on your finger?” she exclaims louder than before as the rest of their party around them turns to look at the man in surprise, fear, and horror, “Did you get married?”  _

_ “IS JAMES BARNES MARRIED NOW!?”  _

Bucky didn’t get time to explain that he really wasn’t before the drinks started coming down more heavily than before, thus nobody was there asking him anymore questions about his “new wife”. It was a silly little thing that could have been easily explained, but James had decided to let the lie run rampant -- maybe, this would protect him in someway and while there were still a few that threw themselves at him, most were just battling him their eyes and letting out a longing sigh. However, Bucky knew deep down that this isn’t the type of lifestyle that he wanted -- he didn’t want to go long stretches without seeing her or even keep pushing himself through sleepless nights of being alone anymore. 

James Barnes was sure that New York was home. He was done with his time of traveling around, he just needed something to ground him and looking at the soft, brown teddy bear with a red-and-white hoodie and scarf combo -- he was sure that with the right time and effort from both sides as he was coming to learn from experience, he could find that.

“You’re just gonna love your new home, buddy,” Bucky murmurs softly before falling asleep -- already thinking about how he was going surprise her and what else they would do next. 

Bucky was completely and utterly in love, he knew that now.

* * *

 

In the next 48 hours you are sitting in James’ couch, holding your newest teddy bear as you watch him go over his adventures that he had in Paris and Lisbon -- all the things that he tried, the pictures that he took, and the people that he met and worked with. And while yes, you were a little apprehensive in his descriptions you were slowly building your trust in James that he wouldn’t break your heart. It was a big thing and you weren’t ready to tell him just yet.

“Overall, it was pretty layback but impressive photoshoot,” James says with a sigh, as he leans back into the couch a bit more, “Good way to go off as an endnote.” 

“Why would you say that?” you can’t help but asks as James frowns just for a moment. You look at him and then at the teddy bear, as if trying to get some answers from either one of them, before you hear in a soft voice. 

“Because I am quitting that type of photography, at least for now,” he admits, as he straightens up just a little, waiting for your response. 

“Why would you be quitting your job?” you ask confused at such a quick turn of events. 

“Because I want to be closer to home, to you,” he explains and it doesn’t take you long to put two and two together. It made his distance on the trip and his constant phone calling all that more clear to you now, “I don’t want any distractions.” 

“I think you are going about this the wrong way,” you explain, still confused but annoyed as well over his attitude,  “If you think that distractions are going to force you away from whatever it is we might have, then you aren’t ready for a relationship, James.” 

“I-I-” 

“You can’t become afraid of the things you love in order to preserve something else,” you shoot up from the couch, as he stares at you with wide blue eyes as anger seeps into your little speech, “I don’t want you think down the line,  _ I didn’t to this or didn’t go here because of her --  _ that just leads to resentment, ya know?” 

“Then, what do you want me to do?” Bucky shoots back desperately, “I wanna be there with and for you.” 

“That isn’t a question for me to answer,” you respond back softly and slightly afraid of the answer he might find along the way, but it is better to go through this now than when you are way deeper in this relationship years down the road and the regrets have piled up to high to ignore.

“You know where to find me when you’re done thinking,” it’s the last thing you say before feelings get hurt any worse than they already have.

You stand up and turn to leave the apartment, however this time you give him a small kiss on the cheek and place a small card in front of his coffee table, while keeping the bear close to your body, like it could protect you. Bucky doesn’t stop you from walking away, as he runs a hand through his hair in frustration. 

Bucky knows that you have a point, but he can’t think of the solution to it all without giving something up that he loves in the process.

* * *

 

_ “Why is it always one extreme or the other with you, Buck? It’s not a life and death situation. I know, she knows it. I know that you’re in love with her, been for a long while now -- but you trying to run away from your insecurities and placing the blame on her...Well…” _

_ “Say it, Stevie. I want you to say what you’re thinking right at this way moment.”  _

_ “Well…maybe, that’s why Dot and Nat left ya in the first place.”  _

Bucky replays the argument he had with Steve a few hours ago, over and over in his head, and comes to the realization that the blond --with his stubborn good naturedness-- might have a damn good point.  __

* * *

When you set that invitation down in James’ coffee table, you weren’t expecting him to actually come to the small party that Tony  had, it was supposed to be more of a reminder that you were still there and that just like him -- you had things that you loved and struggled with as well. Maybe, he understood that in some way, as he gave you a timid smile, bashful and uncertain, in front of the entrance. Though, you can’t help the giddiness running through your veins at the thought that he actually came here for you. 

“James, what are you doing here?” you question, a little bit surprised as he gives you a smile and grabs your hands with his. 

“I wanted to see what the fuss was all about,” Bucky shrugs as he gives your outfit a look once, then twice with those blue eyes of his,”Plus, I wanted to see my best girl’s work in action.”

“All right,” you concede and try your hardest not to correct him, while taking his arm and pulling him in deeper into the little restaurant, “I show you everything I worked on for this issue.”

You swear James’ smile grows until his cheeks are hurting, as you lead him into the little side gallery that shows of all the editorial and images for this quarter’s issue. Blue eyes take in everything in as you explain what exactly you and Rhodey had in minding during the editorial process and adding some facts here and there, completely capturing James’ attention in the process.

You weren’t sure what was going to happen at the end of the night, but you were going to make sure to have some sweet memories with James, even if just for now.


	8. the choice and the end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> welcome to the end, thank for reading and i hoped you enjoyed the ride <3

_ “You made this?” _

_ “It’s a little amateurish, but I’m getting the hang of it.” _

The editorial party is the last time you get the chance to see James, between your two busy schedules it just seemed impossible anymore to reach out to him. He doesn’t answer any of your calls or messages and you’re too afraid to knock on his door to find out that someone else might have taken your place on his couch. Maybe, he realized that you weren’t the type of person he wanted to be with after all. Maybe, he had realized he couldn’t stop moving forward with a relationship and the temptations and freedom that work had always give him.  

Nevertheless, you tried your best to understand and move forward -- staring at the little teddy bear on the other side of your bed, you give it a sad smile before turning over and falling asleep. 

You try your best to move forward, you have to.

* * *

 

_ “So, what that’s it? You were so hung up on her, but at the first sign of trouble you bail, Buck?”  _

_ “It’s not that, jerk. I’m just trying to make sure--” _

_ “Make sure of what?” _

* * *

 

It’s the third week in when you finally get some signal that James is still alive, as you find yourself standing in the middle of the entrance with him. He is giving you a sheepish smile as you simply nod in his direction and go back to talking to Stan about your latest enjoyment -- Nat King Cole. The old man smiles, glancing at Bucky standing there -- waiting for you to finish, as he looks back at you with a soft look on his face. You stop talking when you notice that Stan isn’t paying attention to you anymore, though not in the way you are used to.

“I think someone is trying to grab your attention, dear,” Stan smiles as you look back and see Bucky standing there, waiting like a scolded child. You frown before turning back at the security guard, who had been watching this romance unfold the entire time and he knew a thing or two that you didn’t.

“I really don’t wanna--” you voice breaks towards the end. You didn’t want to open your heart only for Bucky to tell you the truth -- that it was all over. You could live with an ambiguous ending, but an outright rejection would kill you because unknowingly you had come to realize that James Barnes had stolen your heart in the end.

“I don’t think that’s what this is about,” Stan responds like a grandfather quickly understanding what you might be worried about, as he pats your hand only for you to give him a watery smile as he adds on, “And if he does, we’ll send my goons after him. Got it?” 

“Got it,” you give him a nod before turning completely to talk to the demure James.

Stan watches the two of you talk --you seem hesitant but Bucky is obviously lovestruck-- but in the end the both of you smile as you agree to something. As you leave for your appointment and James heads towards the elevator, Stan can’t help but think that everything is going to be okay.   

You agree to meet with James in front of your apartment building the following Saturday. He doesn’t tell you anything about where you are going besides that you need to wear a good pair of walking shoes -- it confuses you for a moment, but you do as you are told as you wait for Bucky in the early summer heat. 

* * *

 

“Good morning,” Bucky states with a smile, looking at your familiar red karp backpack like its an old friend. You give him a weary smile, unsure of where this is all going, and give him your own greeting as he leads to start walking towards a familiar subway station. 

“Where are we going exactly?” you question, as Bucky tries to move bit closer to you only for you to take a side step away from him. 

“Brooklyn.” 

* * *

As you enter what you believe to be Bucky’s old neighborhood, there is a significant shift in his demeanor, as if being here had pushed back the years and failures he has faced as an adult. His grin has a boyish charm added to it, as he explains all the familiar places he had gone to and some of the antics he and Steve had gone through as kids, which has you doubling in laughter over from time to time.

“I just can’t believe you and Steve did that,” you laugh, as Bucky leads to to an old hole-in-the-wall diner. 

It’s small red brick building with a simple countertop as the only place to sit. An older woman greets Bucky like he has been there before. She gives you a smile as you sit down and she places the simple, one-sided menu in front of you.

“Jamie hasn’t brought a gal in years,” the woman declares as Bucky looks away in embarrassment for a brief moment as Betty --from what her name card read-- gives you a bright smile, “Good to see him smiling again.” 

You try not to damp on her mood, as you nod. Bucky stays in the sidelines as he watches the two of you interact: “Well, he makes me smile too.” 

Bucky pauses and looks you for a good while as you keep talking to Betty, who keeps feeding you even more childhood anecdotes of two certain boys that came in every Saturday for a milkshake, and can’t help but smile knowing that he has made the right decision.  

* * *

After your meal and promising Betty that you would come back soon, James ends up taking you a few more blocks down to a small shop that has several cameras in front of the glass display, though it seems to be closed at the moment. Though, you can’t help but linger for a moment.

“This way,” James states, standing in front of a side alleyway next to the camera shop. He motions you to follow him a little bit down, as he opens a metal door and turns on the light to a little backroom.

The natural lightning flood from a large window at the very top of the building that floods to a wall with several dozen pictures placed on said wall. You look at James, as he motions for you to look through them. It’s when you’re finally right up close that you realize what they all are. 

James Buchanan Barnes’ life is on fully display for you to see -- family, friends (mainly Steve), old loves, and places he enjoyed where all there for your eyes only. You look around for a moment, as Bucky begins to speak behind you.  

“I’ve been an idiot,” Bucky continues, as you go over all the pictures he has fixed on the wall, “I lost myself to some notion of the perfect love, that everything just works itself out -- that there is hardly any struggle. But, just like with photography -- it takes work and dedication to make it bloom into something beautiful that the rest of the world looks at.”

“I think I’ve been feeling lost for a long time,” Bucky begins to explain, as you look over the pictures that seem to have move from an uneasy hand to rather amateurish to completely professional black and white -- James’ signature, “And I was just so annoyed and angry that my neighbor moved forward without a care in the world. She was so annoying and bright and  **I just hated her for it.** ” 

You stay quiet as he keeps talking, while you take in all the Barnes family in some old sepia pictures: “Then, I got to know her and I came to understand that she was afraid of something as well.”   

“Bucky,” you let out softly, as he gives you a bright smile as he continues to talk. You walk around a bit more, noticing that there seems to a section with places you have been to together and even before that. Bucky gives you a grin and shrug, as you turn to look at him in question of the display in front of you.

“But, now there’s this gal that’s got me feeling all emotional, like I’ve never had before,” he states looking directly at you,  “And while I am afraid of very this is gonna end and while I might not be the best. I know that I wanna try my hardest to make her happy every single day.” 

“What about your work?” 

“I wasn’t lying when I told you that I wanted to take more assignments within New York,” he explains as you frown, “But, that’s completely a  _ me _ thing. I’m getting tired of traveling. I think it’s time I settled a bit get to see my family more often, visit, and stop running away. And I shouldn’t have pushed that on you.” 

“I--thank you,” you say sincerely as your voice cracks lightly in emotion, as James nods -- very proud of himself.

“I know it’s gonna be a lot of work, James.” you state, bringing your own emotions into the forefront as his breathe hitches a bit, “And I’m tired of being afraid. If you’ll have me, I wanna be official --  _ you and me.” _

Before James can say anything to your statement, you run and crash your body into his. The man only grunts as you start peppering kisses all over his face and while it takes him to understand everything that suddenly happening -- he can’t but laugh as he spins you within the little room before he drags you into a soft kiss. 

The two of you finally deciding to move forward into your own way. 


End file.
